Tuesday, January 29, 2008

I smell death and candy

Today I lost my innocence. Today I tried durian candy.

I knew I was in trouble when I opened the bag. The room was immediately filled with the barely perceptible smell of wrong. I almost threw away the bag at this point, but decided that would be the pussy move, so I went ahead and unwrapped one. The little yellow cube, advertised as soft and chewy sat on the hotel desk and mocked my fears. So I put it in my mouth.

In the first second, I thought it might not be as awful as I thought. Then the aroma of rotten eggs reached my nose and I nearly gagged. Upon chew three or four, I tasted the distinct flavor of green onions. Green onions that have been swimming in rotten eggs. I spit it out on second five and drank as much Pepsi Light as I could. I am lucky that this particular brand contains sugar. Had I faced 100% durian I may have vomited.

There is a numb spot on my tongue where it sat and I feel vaguely queasy. Apparently this nasty, horrible fruit is favored for its aphrodisiac qualities. If you need to eat this to get ready for business time, you should really just take up a hobby instead.


Anonymous said...

HA-"barely perceptible smell of wrong." That's perfect. Sorry for the disgusting experience but I certainly enjoyed hearing about it. This is always the way I feel when I face the vegetable rutabaga--very very wrong.

Anonymous said...

A friend from law school who would eat ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING got sick from a piece of durien candy in Tibet. He had travelled all over the world, eating all sorts of terrible things with no adverse reaction until that.

Anonymous said...

You're my hero, T. You'll have to play back the "wrong" face at the next game night. A friend of mine once tried Durian flavored Mentos. Talk about a clash of cultures and a great idea for a mash-up add.

Anonymous said...

When visiting friends back in November, one gave me some durian hard candy from Malaysia. I tucked it in my carry on bag and forgot about it. (I've already had some, thankyouverymuch.)

Over the weekend I was looking for some socks and realized they were in that bag and opened it ... at first I thought it was those socks! Nope, it's the candy ... and it's SUPPOSED to smell that way!

(I am curious though about these Durian Mentos dank mentioned.)

Anonymous said...

Nonanon: Thanks, you know I have never had a rutabaga but now I think I am going to associate it with durian.

HLK: I wandered the streets for an hour trying to shake my feeling of unease and stomach upset. This is truly a bizarre food.

DanK: Next game night, the low score has to eat a durian candy. That may be too cruel. instead maybe you just have to smell it.

Cybele: Curiosity killed the cat you know. Beware. To your point I am little worried that all my clothes will reek of that horrible fruit.


joanna said...

You really should submit this experience to Bad Candy:

It's your duty, I'd say.

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of the yak-butter candy my folks brought back from a trip to Tibet a few years ago. Was that a buttery muskiness, or a musky butteriness? And what a brilliant idea to package it in old Altoids tins. Curiously strong, indeed.

It still haunts my dreams.


Tripp said...


You are right I must!


That sounds unspeakable. I recommend customs ban them.