Orange crepe paper and Halloween candy

Thanks to some visits to Target, this year, I am getting a taste for some of the more off the wall Halloween candies. So far, most are less than awesome.

Jones Soda Candy Corn soda This one was tough. I poured out a few ounces for myself and the kids. My apprehension was such that it reminded of the first time I looked down at a glass of Everclear punch. The color is a bright, malevolent yellow. The taste is, well, extremely sweet. So sweet that the sweetness seemed to end, as if it had gone into regions that my tastebuds dare not follow. The kids loved it 'natch. Hats off to Jones for calling their Christmas coconut pineapple soda Mele Kalilimaka though.

Hershey Pumpkin Spice Kiss Overall, not bad! The bright orange color and close to too sweet flavor screams white chocolate, so beware if that is a deal breaker. Unlike regular kisses which I can consume with heedless abandon, I am done after two of these, which is probably a good thing.

Candy Corn Dots. Nicely colored with the traditional orange and yellow, but this one didn't work. The flavor is just like that of a regular candy corn but the gooshy mouthfeel of the Dot made me feel like I was eating really, really old candy corn. Once again, kids loved them.

Blood Orange Dots. In lovely black. These I liked. The flavor wasn't over done and I enjoyed the natural Dots chewiness.

Caramel Candy Corn. Also pretty good, but not something I am going to munch like potato chips. The low end caramel flavor is stronger than the corn flavor although it hangs in there. My friend Joanna ate these while running a half marathon. Not sure what that says, but there you go.

Indulge Caramels. High end caramel. Ran into them at the Portland Nursery Apple fest. I was sad that they were sold out of the sea salt but picked up the cinnamon toast. Exquisite caramel, but not meant for the debauch of Halloween. I'm saving mine for the chill of November.

My big move on Halloween night will be to tax the kids of all their Tootsie Fruit Rolls. They don't like them anyway. I am the only person I know who does.

Everyday's the fourteenth

Candy Addict blogs a questionable Valentine's gift, the chocolate pastie. It really won't do to give a gift meant to be consumed by the gift giver rather than the recipient. If you feel the need for something risque, why not give Lust by Ellen Forney. The book is a series of cartoons illustrating the often bizarre request from personal ads (note: not at all work safe) in Seattle's The Stranger. If you just want to spend a few bucks, there is always the cock-n-balls donut from Voodoo Doughnut.

I smell death and candy

Today I lost my innocence. Today I tried durian candy.

I knew I was in trouble when I opened the bag. The room was immediately filled with the barely perceptible smell of wrong. I almost threw away the bag at this point, but decided that would be the pussy move, so I went ahead and unwrapped one. The little yellow cube, advertised as soft and chewy sat on the hotel desk and mocked my fears. So I put it in my mouth.

In the first second, I thought it might not be as awful as I thought. Then the aroma of rotten eggs reached my nose and I nearly gagged. Upon chew three or four, I tasted the distinct flavor of green onions. Green onions that have been swimming in rotten eggs. I spit it out on second five and drank as much Pepsi Light as I could. I am lucky that this particular brand contains sugar. Had I faced 100% durian I may have vomited.

There is a numb spot on my tongue where it sat and I feel vaguely queasy. Apparently this nasty, horrible fruit is favored for its aphrodisiac qualities. If you need to eat this to get ready for business time, you should really just take up a hobby instead.

Mr. Schmallow

I saw the new Reese's marshmallow peanut butter cup and nearly bought it yesterday. As you might expect both Joanna and Cybele have posted on it already. As Joanna notes, its no Valomilk but may be good. Cybele says that it gave her a sore throat. Hmmm. She describes the Marshmallow Take 5 as freakishly fake tasting. I think all the Take 5s are freakishly sucky, but maybe that is me. I'm glad to see the major candy companies embracing marshmallow. Who knows what might emerge next?

See's and Trader Joes's

At the library, I found a short coffee table sort of book on See's! It is mostly early history but it has a lot of fun bits. For example, there is a page dedicated to the Marshmint. Earlier I posted on the this oddest of See's candy. Imagine mint gel, marshmallow and chocolate. When the company began to vote out unpopular candy to make room for new ones, the Marshmint was the first to go. A woman from California's letter apparently led to the creation of the Marshmint club.

It seems so bleak since they left, so empty I walk listlessly through my days wondering if I will ever see their bright green eyes again...I am hearbroken, deprived of my only true love...MARSHMINTS!

Now you'd think I'd scoff at such talk, but I realize I would raise a hue and cry if See's were ever to do away with the Scotchmallow, so I really can't talk. I wouldn't write in, not so much because I am scared or lazy, I just know that Joanna would do a better job.

On the question of treats, I can recommend a good new (to me) treat, the dried gooseberry, which I found at Trader Joes's. The flavor is like the combination of raspberry and grapefruit. It starts out sweet and with a raspberry texture and then a powerful but not too harsh tartness sets in. The gooseberry was one of the few fruits and vegetables in Lois Elhert's Eating the Alphabet, that I had yet to try. On to the kumquat.

Finally on the subject of Trader Joe's and treats, has anyone noticed how freaking expensive almonds are? This article says the California crop was hit hard, but they were 66% more expensive than cashews at TJ's and that is just nuts (yuk yuk yuk.)

Cream in my caramel

Candy blog has a bit on the wonderful Goetz caramel creams. While they talk about how truly ass-tastic the strawberry version is, they are way to kind to the chocolate. Stick to the vanilla, it is a tasty delight. And don't forget the Cow Tales, a more portable way to eat them. If you get tired of eating the creams by themselves, you may want to try the caramel cream brownie recipe available on the Goetz site. They have some random games on the site, including this one that implies some kind of alliance between Goetz and Necco. More power to them!

I smell sex and candy

The eldest child was hit by pneumonia last night (he's fine). After a visit to the ER, I headed over to the all night Walgreen's so he could get his antibiotic on. In my post-midnight delirious state I was lulled into thinking that the new Cadbury's Limited Edition Dark Chocolate might be a good call. Why? The dark chocolate bar isn't that good, I would rather eat Hershey's Special Dark than that. Bad dark choc+raisins+almonds should not equal tasty treat, but hey I was tired. Who knows, maybe it is Hershey's fault since they make it here in the States. The Creme egg still rules.

On the British candy tip, myaybe if we are lucky we will get the Texan bar, a oldie that is being re-released. This bar gets the top rating on this British candy rating website. I was also excited to see there are many, many versions of the Crunchie.

Check out the kinky interracial candy threesome on the Cadbury website(you may need to refresh to get the image). The tagline is "Throughout history chocolate has been associated with romance and sharing." Is that all it takes?

PDX Candy Peeps

A banner day in PDX candy. I went down to Haggen to check their supposedly kick ass candy bins. Holy fuck, it rules. They have all the boring usual suspects, but also Zagnuts, Tootsie roll fruit twists (I realize I am alone on thie one), dark chocolate espresso beans, jelly bellys and more. All this in the grocery store. Downside is that all the Haagens are in the darkest burbs, but if you are out there anyway be sure to stop in. I didn't see any cameras so I bet you can sneak some.

Not only did I spy the bins of plenty but I also picked up the Kit Kat Mint. I guess my emailing about new flavors worked! I was quite excited and enjoyed it very much. Sure it is just a regular Kit Kat with peppermint oil in the chocolate, but haven't we all been waiting for a minty Kit Kat?

Lips like sugar 2

So I identified the other smores, which the tricky marketers have called smoores. The most important message on the wrapper is that the candy is "100% real." I'm guessing this is reassure the truly baked consumer. They look a little too much like the Mallomar to me.

Lips like sugar

In all the talk of candy, I forgot about one of the best sites of all time, Bad Candy. I haven't been for awhile and it looks like most of the stuff is new. Joanna will particularly dig the take on circus peanuts, but don't forget the Tamarind.

Also I noticed there are two Smores candies out there. Was everyone talking about the Hershey one? There was some other thing that looked like a big Reeses's but filled with marshmallow. I saw it in a really sketchy convenience store today. I am guessing everyone meant the Hershey one but you never know.

I want candy

A friend and I were talking the other day about Candyfreak. I agree wholeheartedly with the book’s central premise that the decline of the small candy manufacturer is a catastrophe. Taking the kids around on Halloween is depressing. They end up with a mix of 4 or 5 brands of candy, none of which is that interesting. In the book, Almond visits a number of manufacturers and tries lots of candy. Some of his highest praise went to the Valomilk, normally found only in the Mid-west. You can get it at Cracker Barrel, and if you are in Portland and are willing, you can go to Boise to get one.

While not as rare or as good as the Valomilk, I wish we could see more Cow Tales and fruit tootsie rolls. The Cow Tale is a cylindrical version of the Goetz caramel cream, which many people find vile. If the idea of eating a nine inch cream filled caramel tube sounds great, then you need one. They are best found in sad little boxes in sketchy gas stations.

The fruit flavored tootsie roll is almost impossible to find except as 1/30th the volume of a giant bag of candy. These are like Starbursts, except they are not hard, waxy or chemical tasting. They are so much better than normal Tootsie Rolls that I am surprised they are so hard to find.